Kimchi, Collards, Spinach, & Cornbread

My husband Mike grew up eating kimchi and spinach in his “Hapa” (half Korean, half White) household and I grew up with a regimen that included an almost daily dose of Mother's (my maternal grandmother) collards. Somehow, cosmically, despite the odds, two people who ate these different types of greens would meet and genuinely fall head over heels in love because we can both agree on cornbread.

Our perspectives on life situations are greatly influenced by the diversity in our household, extended family, within our friendships, and as we raise a walking Benetton promo piece in the form of a (now) 8 year old "Multiracian", Marley, who has no real clue of race or her unique mixture and is just a happy being.

Typically mommies and daughters have similar hair types and even donning the “Stepford” look with matching styles.  Marley and I?  Not so much and she just can't seem to figure out how/why my hair is short and "coily". Completely opposite from her beautiful long wavy "good hair" locks. Obviously, a deceptive fail on my part because up until she was 5, I don't think she ever saw my hair without a weave sewn, glued, or pinned into it.  

Marley was born into this world to some woman who had beautiful wavy highlighted hair.  I vividly remember my mom asking "You gonna let your baby meet you with that blonde in your hair?"

Now that I'm rocking mostly natural locks, the memory of that moment is making me think twice about what I'm teaching my daughter when she cocks her head and asks what I consider to be “white folk questions”...

1. "What the hell happened, Mommy?” Okay she didn’t say “WTH”, but she may as well with the tone of confusion in her voice.
2. “Can you put it back the one way you had it?  I liked it the other curly way...long...can it go back that way?
3. “How about when your hair looked like…?”
4. “Well, how did you get your hair to do that?”
5. “What about when it was straight?"

My mantra has now become" That wasn't my real hair. No, that wasn’t my real hair either…" Damn! And this, my friends can totally be considered a "Black Girl" moment. The irony is, I can't decide if it's sad or an achievement of excellence in weave-ology! 

Today at this precise moment, as I am sitting here writing this, a Bosley commercial airs on television and everyone is screaming “this is my real hair! I can do this! I can do that! This is my real hair!” and Marley casually mentions, as she plays a game on the iPad, “Mommy maybe you should get that so your hair can grow back.”   I can't believe this girl's timing!  “What do you mean grow back?! It hasn’t gone away, that wasn’t my real hair!  Jeez!"

Marley's presence in the world is a miracle and the result of two people who fought through negative racial stereotypes, anger, disappointment, and misunderstanding to keep a love we knew to be true.  It's overwhelming to think that one or a compilation of those encounters with ignorance and my continuous frustration with hate, could have kept us from creating the life we have today.  

Our lives are filled with all of God's racial fruits and smoothies. Our circle of friends and family embraces a slew of Blacks or African Americans (whichever you prefer), Asians (we have all kinds, Korean, Chinese, Pilipino, Thai, and Vietnamese), Whites or Caucasians (whichever you prerer), Indians, Europeans and any combination of the above. There are people of all economic backgrounds in our tribe.  

Most of us are on the hustle, trying to find a balance between paying the bills and kickin it.

Our network doesn't stop at the racial finish line, can't forget The Gays (2 of whom are Marley's Godfathers.  A Pilipino and an “Irish Negro” lovingly called “Fried Rice and White Rice” by my dad, Papa Tweeter.

Mike and I seem to be both magnets and seekers of the “GITO” aka “Gay in the Office”.  Titus, who we met while working in SF was our first “Fierce Adoption” and has helped school us ever since, giving us the education of understanding through his friendship.   Having one friend leads you to another and before we knew it we had scooped up more fabulous people into our world. 

I believe there is a shared struggle among people who date outside of their “barriers” whether it be religion, race, social background, political status, economic class or any other unnatural reason.  We dare to love without constraints, continuing the work of those that came before us and those in the here and now who are literally fighting and dying for their love to be accepted. It’s a courageous journey and not for the weak or timid.

The connection we have with our Gays is hugely important to us.  Being the "Breeders" that we are, there is a ton of Gay shit we don't know.  Who better to clarify than one of my Gays.  They are individuals, independent in their thinking, manner and dress.  It's great to have a variety of Gays to get a well-rounded perspective.  They also know I’ve got their back.  If they need “Black Girl Advice” (BGA), they can come to me with no judgments.  Maybe a screech and "aw hells naw" at the situation, but they (along with my closest friends) know I'm a safe haven to answer any question they don’t dare ask publically.  Through trust and friendship I can explain or clarify my point of view on the subject with love in my heart. 

Interracial, multi-cultural, and Gay couples know "that look" of disapproval all too well.  “That look” that burns through your soul, eyes of hatred, hating because they don't understand what WE obviously do...love is free and not meant to be contained in a bottle. Love yearns to exist and demands to be shared. To fight it is futile.  I’m no doctor or scientist but when love feels far away from me, my heart physically hurts like hell. If your heart has never ached from love then you need to check your pulse STAT! 'cause none of us are immune to its affects and wonderment.  

Through our careers in the Events Industry and travel, Mike and I meet some pretty amazing people on our journeys, as well as encounter some of the dumbest people God dropped on this planet.  What we’ve come to discover is most could use a bit more diversity in their lives.

Look around your life; your inner circle, the co-workers you share personal stories with, your family, where you shop and eat, and where you live. Does everyone look the same, listen to the same type of music, dress similar, and if you watch a show that features a gay couple, you keep it to yourself?  Are your beliefs about others based on what your parents taught you, what you saw on TV, and/or what you’ve interpreted from your peers and community?  Well, I’m here to tell you, some of it is true but most of it is bullshit. 

We're here to help you filter through it all by sharing our stories of pain, strength, faith in overcoming, and the bonding power of laughter, music, and storytelling. I mean, wouldn't it be great with some of the dos and don’ts of navigating through the waters of racial and cultural understanding and help guide you to create/maintain/nourish multicultural friendships.  

It’s an everyday journey for us and we’re more enriched because of it.

What if we start with understanding and compassion, then take the time to learn the difference between stereotypes, misconceptions, and real everyday people who simply dared to love?

I believe we can feed our souls by expanding our pallets to enjoy a variety of greens, whether it be collards, spinach, cabbage, kale, kimchi, or bok choy.  It all goes great with cornbread!